It’s Friday the 13th and it’s a Full Moon. And to top it off, the planet Mercury is retrograde, confusing communication. A few days ago I posted this image on my Facebook page:
And I mentioned that I am working on finding my calling. And earning a living, that for the first time in my life, it’s an elusive combination. I asked for ideas. One friend thought I would make a great life coach, inspirational speaker, personal trainer, writer, blogger, diabetes educator, event organizer, project manager, team leader and more! I’ve actually done many of those items, and liked doing them. Just at the moment, figuring out how to actually earn a living seems to be the challenge.
Another mentor of mine, she asked me, what gets me up in the morning? What nourishes me when I am depleted? What do I want to share that I have learned? Not necessarily “what” specifically, but also the “what” is probably applicable to lots of other specifics for other people. Like how to speak, how to find meaning, how to write, how to survive the intolerable, and so forth. She continued on to ask, what are the moments when I have personally as a body-mind-spirit have felt deeply satisfied or felt like I was on the right path? What did I want to do when I was ten years old?
These questions really resonate with me. It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt uncertain about what I want to do with the hours of the day. Since I was 16, I’ve always felt my calling resonating out of my soul. Right now, I am not certain. It’s very different to feel the uncertainty. At the moment, the only thing I know is that I like riding my bicycle. I also know that I have survived more challenges than one person really ought to have to survive in one lifetime. But I have, and I am still hopeful and my outlook is still positive. I am eternally grateful that my orientation leans in this direction.
At this juncture, I am the poorest I’ve been in my entire adult life. That too is teaching me a lot about having a clear, organized budget that I follow very closely. I have no wiggle room to mess up. I find that my daily meditation practice is a major help. In my meditation, I touch base with the infinite peace that is available always. I am reminded that I have always been taken care of and that I always will be taken care of.
I will find work that makes sense for me to do. I will again have money. I will find ways to be of service. I just need to breathe, and trust, and hear my inner wisdom. And take action when I am called to take action. I’ve always been a person to take action, so I know I am not lazy. For some reason, I have an unhelpful inner fear that suddenly I’m going to become lazy. I am working on letting that one go.
On another note, I am still working on repairing my damaged bike. Erik’s Bike Shop is fantastic. And Raleigh Bikes is stepping up, as they have a crash bike replacement discount. One option is that I might wait until this Fall to replace the bike, Erik’s thinks the bike is now unsafe and I should replace it entirely. I can ride my LeMond steel bike for the 100 mile ride I’m doing in Iowa on June 28th. And I can ride the LeMond the rest of the summer. If you’d like to help me replace the bike, that would be wonderful. Here is the campaign that my T1 friend Don Muchow set up: GOFUNDME.
To all of us seeking our calling and to those identifying your passions, hang in there! It will come. And wish tonight on the Full Moon!!