Dark Night of the Soul

In the middle of the night recently, I had a dark night of the soul. I spent a bit of time contemplating the end of my life. What that would/could look like.It was very dark and very sad. Lots of angst and tears.

Thankfully, at 3am, I shifted and asked myself, “Mari, you’re not dead yet, you’ve written the book that took you twelve years to write, NOW, what do you MOST want to do with whatever time you have left??”

Turns out, that’s a good question ALL of us benefit from asking ourselves. After all, none of us knows exactly how much time we have in this human life go around. Have you asked yourself this question recently? Please let me know what rises up for you. I’m curious.

Two things rose immediately to the surface.

Number 1: I want to run a marathon to celebrate turning 60 years old, that will happen in May 2025. Oh yeah!!!

Number 2: I want to fall in love again and have a delightful companion/lover in my life. Big love, I’m ready for you! I’ve been working on learning how to love myself and how to deeply trust and rely on my circle of friends. At long last, I’m ready for a boyfriend. 

As I’m rather goal oriented, I discussed both my wishes with my running pals. A few of them are gung-ho to run a marathon in 2025 with me. We’ve begun searching for marathon options. We’ve got a couple on the table! To prepare, I’m running three half marathons and two 10-mile races in 2024. Plus I’m working with a physical therapist who specializes in helping runners who are navigating pain. I have chronic pain in my right hip and right leg. Solutions and strengthening are coming into focus.

Running 6 miles yesterday with my Run Minnesota Polar Bear friends!

I reactivated my OKCupid account. I’ve got conversations with interesting men happening. And a potential date coming up. It’s fascinating. I feel more calm and confident about meeting men. Turns out all the therapy and healing work I’ve done on myself is paying off. Please send some “find romantic lover love” vibes my way!!

Tell me, have you had a Dark Night of the Soul? I’d love to hear from you!

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4 thoughts on “Dark Night of the Soul”

  1. i think that’s awesome. i’ve been drawn to the idea of ultrarunning in the past year or so. not for any physical aspect, just for the spiritual aspect of it. what can i learn about myself, my soul. i’m 53, enduring what i consider my 3rd dark night of the soul period, after a 2012 kundalini awakening, sad, seeking meaning and purpose. i love hearing stories of others finding themselves. don’t overthink it. just do it and whatever happens, happens.

    • Wonderful to hear from you Matthew! I had a Kundalini Awakening a number of years ago, shook me to my core! So my heart goes out to you. Glad you too are finding your way!! Thanks for your kind words!

  2. Great to see your evolution and sharing in a vulnerable way. Your magic is obvious to anyone who knows you.

    • Thank you for your very kind words Linda! An upcoming blog/newsletter will be about water coloring!! Your amazing beautiful influence!!

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