The first thing I want to say this week is a big huge THANK YOU for the many positive comments on Facebook and here on this blog for the post I did last week about being a one breasted bionic endurance athlete. It took a lot of courage for me to write about the body shame I’ve experienced wearing tight triathlon clothing and only having one breast. To have so many amazing comments of affirmation brought me to tears on many occasions.
Happy tears of belonging.
You see, due to the trauma I endured as a child, I have a very deep core belief that I don’t belong. That I don’t matter. That I don’t fit in. That the only person I can depend on for anything is myself.
Intellectually I know that core belief isn’t true. Intellectual knowing doesn’t by itself heal the deep layers of the belief. With the help of a few excellent therapists, I’ve been working specifically on healing this core belief for the past five years or so. Thankfully I am making good progress. Slowly and surely, like a long slow distance (LSD) workout, I am inching my way to letting that core belief go.
Finding courage to write about my one breasted body shame and then having the overwhelming positive community response were both steps in the right direction.
In general, since I started doing the endurance sports of cycling and triathlon, I have discovered one of the most amazing communities of people. The acceptance, kindness, welcomingness, laughter, and cheering each other on-ness is downright AMAZING! I have found the love deep and wide in the endurance communities everywhere I have lived.
At the end of August this year I am putting my bike and a bunch of my gear in my little Honda Fit and I am driving to Colorado, where I first started doing triathlon. I will spend nine days visiting many long time triathlon and cycling friends. Already I’ve heard from many friends and they are welcoming me with open arms.
If you are still deciding whether or not to do a triathlon or an organized bike ride or a duathlon or a running race, I want to encourage you to GO FOR IT!!! Chances are really good you will meet some wonderful, kind, welcoming people. The for real sort of folks.
With love and gratitude for all the support and love,
Mari
Sending extra love out to all who wonder if you belong, know that you do, even if you don’t quite yet believe it.
And please, join my mailing list! I love to stay in touch.
