Healing Retreats for Good

Feeling my emotions deeply is a new behavior for me. I’ve been doing that quite a bit the past few weeks. Turns out, doing this was a good setup for the Breast Cancer Rest & Renew Image Reborn Foundation retreat I attended November 8 – 10, 2024 in Park City, Utah. 

With this third breast cancer diagnosis comes many emotions. It’s been a bit over a year since receiving this third diagnosis. I’ve been on the aromatase inhibitor, letrozole, for that amount of time too, as I agreed to go on it immediately. It shuts down every tiny bit of estrogen in my entire body. Post menopausal women have very low estrogen, but they do have some estrogen. Not me, and not anyone who is taking letrozole, to prevent estrogen receptor breast cancer from spreading. 

Effects of zero estrogen

One side effect of zero (or low) estrogen is mood challenges and changes, and in my case, because each of us responds slightly differently, I have a constant low-grade depression. Along with that, bursts of emotion that hit me like a train barreling 100 miles an hour right into my chest. Anger, rage, confusion, deep sadness, despair, loneliness. Not usually the fun, happy emotions.   

As theses emotions started hitting me as I started up the letrozole, I realized I needed a new level of support. I found a new therapist who has a background in working with people who have chronic illnesses. She also has experience with somatic techniques and she worked in hospice, so death doesn’t freak her out. Yup, I’m thinking about my mortality quite a bit.

I asked the social worker at my oncologist’s office if she knew of any additional support resources. She connected me with a couple of groups. I’ve joined and I get notifications for them, but I haven’t been able to get myself to attend yet. That’s the next step. 

She also told me about a few other resources, and one was Image Reborn that offers a few different kinds of retreats. 

Retreats for healing and connection

I love retreats! I used to take teenagers on retreats when I was a student government and Link Crew advisor. Plus with TeamWILD, the company I owned for 7 years, I organized multiple-day overnight camps, which are essentially retreats. 

Intensive gathering with people who have a shared interest or common life experience is THE BEST way to learn, connect and commune with oneself and a group. I found an Image Reborn retreat that worked in my schedule, and signed right up. For those of us who need to travel to get to the retreat, they even offer travel scholarships. I applied and got one of those too. 

One of the key selling points was that on Saturday morning they offer a Grief and Gratitude Circle. That spoke to my soul. Circles are and can be a way to hold emotions and experiences without judgment. I’ve done much good healing in circles.  

Grief and Gratitude Circle

The structure of the Circle was one I was familiar with from other circles I’ve been a part of. In the center of the circle was a beautiful bowl filled with water. Around the bowl were a variety of rocks of a comfortable size to fit in the palm of your hand. Next to the bowl was a vase of beautiful dark red/purple carnations.

Each of the women got a rock. The facilitator of the Grief and Gratitude Circle, Katrina, drummed for a perfect amount of time, during which we thought about the grief we were carrying as a result of our cancer experience. Katrina encouraged us to imagine sending that grief into the rock. 

When the drumming was over, Katrina then invited each of us to share to the level and degree we wanted to. Telling the group about our grief. There was a box of Kleenex and all of us had a few ready. 

The guidelines were to simply listen and hold space for one another. Not ask questions or offer advice. Simply to witness one another. After sharing our grief, we placed the rock into the bowl of water. Allowing both the circle and the water to hold our grief. 

I spoke third. After the first two people shared their grief, Spirit called me to speak. I felt resistance and questioned the calling, as many of us do. No one took the space, it was my turn. 

I took a deep breath and imagined my heart opening. This was why I traveled to Park City, Utah. This circle, this group of women who all are navigating the chronic health challenge of breast cancer, in all its many forms and nuances. I saw how Katrina held the space with calm and clear clarity. I felt the witnessing and holding. 

My grief came tumbling out. I don’t remember exactly everything I said, but I felt the deep truth of my words. I felt the anger, the depression, the bargaining, the shock, the denial, even the touches of acceptance. 

I spoke from my bones. From my tendons, muscles, tissues. The molecules that have been shut down opened up. My body trembled. Tears broke free and trailed down my face. I quivered. I felt every inch of my body, not something I usually have awareness of. I knew I was safe. This circle, that bowl of water, and the rock could finally hold all the loss and all the grief I have carried for so much time. I let myself feel and express myself. I talked until the words were finished. Katrina thanked me for sharing. Then the next woman shared. 

Breathe for release

Once everyone had taken her turn. Katrina had us all breathe together. Then she passed out the carnations. Each of us took one. Katrina then started with a rattle, and she encouraged each of us to shake a bit. To metaphorically shake off the grief, as animals do. We humans are animals after all. She invited us to then think of all the things we are grateful for. Related to our cancer experience and to all in our lives. 

The beauty of being human is that we can hold onto seemingly diametrically opposed realities, grief and gratitude, together. The water in the bowl is able to hold both the rocks, our grief, and the flowers, our gratitude. 

As we sent into the flower our gratitude, Katrina drummed and walked around our circle. I felt my body, mind and heart relax and let go. I enjoyed thinking of all that I am grateful for, so much. 

We each then shared our gratitude aloud. Upon completion, we placed our flowers in the bowl on top of the rocks. Each of us listening to every one as she shared. Holding one another in love and grace. It felt good to share and remember how much beauty, love, support and connection I have in my life. I’m especially grateful for organic vegetables and fruits! 

We closed the circle by more deep breathing.

It was a perfect and beautiful way to wrap up the morning. I was so incredibly glad that I was at this retreat and that this Grief & Gratitude Circle was a central part of the experience.

Retreat Magic

In addition to the Grief & Gratitude Circle, we did Yoga Nidra, received full body massages, did foot zoning, got a Reiki session, had a Medical Hour with a qualified physician, and generally shared our stories with one another as we shared meals, went on walks, laughed and enjoyed one another. None of us talked about religion, politics or other topics that stress people out. We focused on our medical journeys and how we are navigating. We didn’t give each other unnecessary advice, simple listening was the order of the day. 

I highly recommend every woman who has gone through or is going through breast cancer attend one of these retreats. They have a variety of offerings. Their 2025 schedule is on their website. 

Living with breast cancer AND insulin-dependent diabetes – calling all women who have this

I’m hoping to work with Image Reborn to start a retreat offering for women who are breast cancer survivors AND who are living with insulin-dependent type 1 or type 2 diabetes. As I work on this, if you know a woman who fits this criteria, please message me and let me know! I want to start gathering women who would like to participate in such a weekend.

With love and healing for all,

Mari  

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