Poem of Magic: Cancer #Previvor Finds Her People

Note from Mari: This is a blog post written by Michelle Scharber Banks. Michelle was a volunteer at P.ink Day MSP 2015 and again for 2016. In addition, she got her transformative, healing tattoo this year.

Here is Michelle’s beautiful story & a poem she wrote, in her own words:

After the Tattoo

I’ve been sitting with my tattoo for over a week now.  I have so many feelings and expressions from it.  I suppose, as I go on in life, they’ll change, but I thought it only fitting for you to know the magic of receiving this tattoo from P.ink Day.

I didn’t have an advocate while going through my mastectomy, I’m a previvor.  So most of my information about what to expect, my choices, my outcomes…were from online information I sought out.  Maybe all this would have been different with one of those cancer/mastectomy advocates that most women are offered.

Perfect Breasts, will I get them?

I think I expected perfect breasts once done.  After all, I was having this horrible surgery to preemptively save my life, there had to be a perk from it, right?  I chose to use my own tissue for reconstruction because I wanted my new breasts to look real. But the reality is I didn’t get perfect breasts.  I got uneven breasts with lots of scars and nipples that failed the first time and only half-assed it the second.  I was unhappy and didn’t know where to turn.

The Power of Volunteering

When I volunteered in 2015 with Mari and team at the Minneapolis P.Ink Day, I found my home. I realized from those lovely ladies that no one is perfect. I can spend the rest of my life on trying to get them perfect, or I can accept what I have and go on with my life. It was like an epiphany. I cried going home that day and applied for a tattoo the following day.

This year, I volunteered and was selected for a tattoo. I felt strongly that volunteering is a big part of this day and needed to continue to do so.

Time for My Tattoo

The day of the tattoo I was anxious, excited and a bit scared. My tattoo is big.  But each part has meaning and it’s important to me to use this to tell my story, my journey. I sat for 7 1/2 hours with Matt Kolling at Twilight Tattoo getting that ink.

Mari and the volunteers and the other recipients all came over at some point to encourage me. I went home happy, but exhausted. 

Here is a poem I wrote to commemorate the day.

Healing Poem

Magic.

I no longer cover up my chest immediately.

I no longer avoid mirrors.

I’m no longer afraid to look at my breasts.

I feel like I’m walking art!

I can look down and see the tattoo and smile any time of day.

Even though there are still scars showing, I DON’T SEE THEM.  I see beauty.

I feel like I’m further along in healing from my mastectomy and the issues associated with it.

I love telling people about my tattoo and who did it and referring them to Matt.

I’m reminded daily that I am beautiful.

I’m reminded that I chose this tattoo.

I’m happier with my body and self image.

This magic gift is so precious.  It’s my forever gift from P.ink and I can’t thank you enough.  I plan to do everything I can to give back and help other women like me receive this gift and have them share how their life changed.

Thank you.

Please leave Michelle a note of support and encouragement. Let her know what you think of her new, healing, beautiful art on her chest!!