Great to be back with you all again. I needed to take a bit of an unplanned break from eNews and blogging. The holiday season was harder on me emotionally than in previous years. I did lots of good therapy and introspection to heal the wounds that made themselves evident this holiday time.
Turns out, the focus I’m putting on emotional, trauma healing is paying off. I’ve got some good news to share. In fact, three good things to share. In this despairing time of Project 2025 coming to life, I’m making an effort to focus on beautiful things that give hope.
Good thing #1: Cancer is shrinking and not spreading
I got my third breast cancer diagnosis in October 2023. That was 15 months ago. In that time, the one Western medicine treatment I’m willing and able to undertake is going on the aromatase inhibitor, letrozole.
As I’ve mentioned in earlier writings, this drug is VERY DIFFICULT. The main side effects are a drain on my energy every single day, constant muscle and joint aches and pains, difficulty with sleep, and a low grade depression/mood disorder.
Despite these challenges, I’ve stuck with it. Weekly acupuncture, regular physical therapy, daily exercise, weekly therapy visits, have all helped me do everything possible to minimize the impacts of this challenging drug that eliminates all estrogen and estrogen production in my entire body.
I have estrogen receptor positive breast cancer. Turns out not feeding that cancer any estrogen for 15 months has paid off.
When this journey started, I had 3 small nodules of cancer on my right chest wall where my breast had been before the unilateral mastectomy in 2010. The largest nodule was 4.5 centimeters.
In the most recent ultrasound and PET scan with CT contrast, two of the nodules, which had been shrinking in previous ultrasounds and scans, are now completely gone. The largest nodule is now 1.8 centimeters and it appears much less aggressive than it did when first detected.
In all three of the PET scans I’ve had, there is ZERO additional cancer detected ANYWHERE in my body. Let’s just say, my oncologist was surprised at the success I’m having. There’s no cancer in my liver, my brain, my bones, my lymph system – all the places advanced breast cancer usually goes.
Turns out all the additional healing work I’m doing is ALSO paying off.
Right when I got the diagnosis, one of the first things my wise Inner Healer let me know was that I needed to do some deep trauma healing work. I needed to look closely at aspects of my early trauma that were hanging out pestering me.
Step one, I found a new therapist who had a background with chronic illness and who would be willing and able to discuss death and planning for my death with me. Yes, I knew it was important to look death right in the eye and organize a few details so my death would not be a burden on my friends. Plus, I needed and wanted to consider what was worth living for as I face death. Thus, making every day I’m alive worth living.
It’s been a challenging, difficult and rewarding path. I’ve cried more in the past 15 months than I ever have in my life. I’m finally letting myself feel ALL the feelings of being human.
Here are three of the many resources I’m using on this journey.
RESOURCE 1
I’m doing focused re-regulation of my nervous system, using the book Re-Regulated: Set Your Life Free From Childhood PTSD and the Trauma-Driven Behaviors That Keep You Stuck by Anna Runkle.
I have an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score of 5 out of 10, that’s a high score. One of the results of such a high score is a dysregulated nervous system. I’m working to re-regulate. I can tell I’m more calm and more grounded. It feels good.
RESOURCE 2
I started talking internally to the many parts of my inner landscape, using The Internal Family Systems Workbook: A guide to discover your self and heal your parts, by Richard C. Schwartz, PhD.
Turns out I have MANY parts inside who have been working hard over the years to help me and hold me together through all that I’ve endured. It’s powerful stuff to talk with these parts, to listen deeply to these parts, and to hold these parts in loving kindness.
RESOURCE 3
I’ve been fine-tuning the Four Pillars of Health as described in great detail by author Jeffrey Rediger, M.D. in his book Cured: Strengthen Your Immune System and Heal Your Life.
Dr. Rediger studied spontaneous remission from all kinds of off the charts incurable disease, like cancer, for 17 years. He then figured out the four things all of them had in common. Oh yeah. Powerful stuff. One of the most powerful healing books I’ve ever read. I even gave a copy of this book to my oncologist on my last visit with her. I hope she reads it.
In short, I’ve fully embraced deep, deep healing on multiple levels. Over the next months, I will dive deeper into how these healing methods are working for me and what I’m learning as I use and explore each of these resources.
My goal in sharing how and why these healing methods are working is that my hope is that others dare to be brave in this way too. Our planet and our whole society needs each of us to heal. Quickly.
Good thing #2: Vision Board Magic – My day job went from 75% time to 100% time
I’ve been a vision boarder for more than twenty years. It’s a ritual I do at minimum at the end/start of a new year. This year, I attended an enlightening vision board workshop with Colette Baron-Reid. I immediately made a new vision board in her style related to my financial well-being.
Within a week, it became official. My position at the University of Minnesota went from 75% to 100% time, which resulted in an increase in my salary. This is the first time since 2008 that I’ve held a full-time job. I love my work at the U of MN. It fits my interests, passions and skill set. I really like and enjoy my 7 colleagues and I have a team of six adjuncts I coach and collaborate with every week.
The increase in pay means I am no longer living on the edge of poverty. I’m breathing into the relief of this vision.
Good thing #3: Podcast – The Cancer Liberation Project with Hayley Dubin
I’ve set a goal for myself to find and do a podcast interview once a month. So far, in month two of the year, I’m on track.
Here’s a podcast I did with Hayley Dubin of the Cancer Liberation Project. In it, we talked at length about cancer and survivorship and finding meaning in life. It was a wonderful chat. Please, take a listen and let me know what you think of it.
Here’s the podcast on Apple.
Thanks for being in my life. It means so much to be connected. We are living in a challenging moment on planet Earth. One thing for sure, we need each other.
With love,
Mari
P.S. Another success, I asked for more reviews of my book Extreme Healing because I was hoping to get to 60+ reviews as I head into the year I turn 60. We made it! SO COOL!!! THANK YOU!! You can see them here.
