Within our essence is the blueprint to manifest our individual gifts on Planet Earth. Have you found your blueprint? A lot of us struggle to hear that Inner Wisdom that knows exactly why we are here. I know much of my life I’ve been obsessed with doing what others expect of me. I’ve wanted to please everyone around me. If I could please others, then I would be worthy enough to receive love.
I finally have figured out that the person I need most to listen to, the person I most need to love, is me. And when I deeply listen, and even more important love, me, then miraculous things happen. Turns out, I know quite a bit! And I have so much more love to give, when I come from a place of abundance and self care.
All of this requires that first I feel my feelings. Writing that, I had to take a deep breath. Early in life, I figured out a good way to escape feeling the abandonment and loneliness of my childhood, was to get up into my head. I’m very logical, very in my head. This kept me out of my body most of my childhood.
Feeling my feelings scared me for most of my life. Thankfully, I’ve gotten amazing help and support from wise healers, who’ve held the space for me to dive into my feelings. I’ve learned to cry, and finally I can cry easily. I can feel my anger. And I can feel my loneliness, hopelessness and all the other challenging emotions that rear their heads.
I’ve learned that feeling those emotions when they come up, as they come up, isn’t debilitating or even embarrassing. They’re simply emotions. They are simply insight into what’s going on in my being. I can learn from these emotions. And wonderful things I have learned. Like how to feel and let go. How to feel and allow shifting to happen. Like insights into my past. How to stop rushing. How to take the easier route. The hard route isn’t always the most beneficial. And best of all, I’ve learned to trust. Trust myself, and from there, trust others.
All this feeling has opened up the blueprint. It’s opened up insight into why I am here. Slowly but surely I am finding the words to describe it. A few that aren’t surprises, and resonate deeply in my soul are: Writer. Teacher. Speaker. Friend. Partner. Artist.
Last week, I turned 50. I feel more attuned, more alive, than I have ever felt. There’s hope for me yet!!