I’ve been thinking about how I most want to show up in my life. Yes, I think about things like this. I see a therapist almost once a week, for assistance dealing with the PTSD from my second round of cancer, and she told me last session, that I am not a shallow, surface person. That didn’t come as a big surprise.
I know from taking the Myers Briggs tests several times, that I’m 50-50 introvert/extrovert. I need plenty of time alone to re-charge my batteries, and sometimes I really love being with people. My introvert side strongly dislikes small talk. I’m not that good at it. I much prefer going deep with people, finding out what folks care about, what makes them happy.
I know that a big part of why I wanted to move to California the moment I graduated from college, was that my desire to connect deeply in Minnesota, isn’t all that popular. People here often prefer more casual, more surface conversation. It drove me crazy, even back when I was in high school and college. I knew I didn’t want to get married and have children, at least not right away. And also here in the Mid West, those two items were very much expected, from women especially. I knew that in California there were more options. So happily to California I bolted.
After 24 years away, I am back here in the land of endless winter again. I have found people that aren’t married, likely that’s because of my age now, and lots of people have gotten divorced. And happily, perhaps because my communication skills have improved, I have found ways to venture into deeper conversations with even native Minnesotans! Wonders never cease. In part it’s also because I have given up trying to fit in my family. I have let that go. I tried for most of my life to fit in, and it never really worked.
I have a perfectly normal dysfunctional family, nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t blame any of them for the dysfunction. Everyone did the best that they could. I have discovered a new definition of family. It’s not just the people we are related to by blood. In fact, maybe we are ALL related to one another. There are countless people that I would drop everything for, to go to their aid, if they needed it. And I have learned that there are many people that would come to my aid, if I needed it. And very few of them are people that I am related to by blood. Finally, that has become okay. Even, confidence building. There is so much love in the world, and countless ways to show our love.
The way that I choose to show up in my daily life is with love in my heart. I hope you do too! Please leave a comment! And join my email list. I’d like to stay in touch with you!
Wonderful post, Mari. I’ve lived in Minnesota for 38 years and it has definitely changed through the years. I come from South Carolina and dysfunctional families are part of my heritage. You know that you’ve grown up when you come to terms with this dysfunction and start to cherish your crazy/annoying and critical/depressed, etc. parents, relatives, and friends. Keep fighting the good fight and I hope to see you soon:-)